My husband has a favorite comic called “Rose is Rose”. One of our favorite strips is where she can’t sleep because the “mommy monsters” are plaguing her and making her feel like a bad mother, even though, like all fictitious characters, she is a great, almost perfect mother. I am dealing with Mommy Monsters. With school around the corner, and our typical stressed out preparations, my son has become a raging bundle of anxious nerves. He is not ready, but I am ready to lock him in his room.
Add to that a heavy dose of personal depression, and an illness or two and you have a combination for disaster. I don’t yell, but this week and month I have yelled. His talking and other behaviors don’t typically annoy me, but this month they are driving me nuts. All I want to do is sleep. I can barely get out of bed to feed us and make sure everyone has clean clothes. The depression is part of my disease process, but it certainly makes parenting a special needs child difficult.
I find myself craving and outlet, somewhere else that I am desperately needed, a reason to get out of bed that doesn’t whine at me, or say un-thoughtful and hurtful things. My son has empathy, but no tact. I need a friend, a mentor, or just a good vacation. My husband is stressed because it is the crazy start of the school year, he’ll be teaching at three schools this year, and he just finished a really stressful long-hours summer camp. I am bored, sick and cannot find a reason to leave my bed.
So here’s my plea to the universe. Send me something that gives my life meaning and doesn’t just make me frustrated and guilty feeling. Send me a friend, send my son and I mentors who can take both of us under their wings and guide us through this difficult time, and please don’t give up on me when I get like this, because it will pass, and I can’t control it, and I need you.
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